Various Pets

1.Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

2.Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

3.I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

4.Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

5.Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

6.Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7.Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.

8.Always scoot before licking.

9.Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

10.Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

11.January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!

January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

12.I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.