Talking dog joke

Talking dog joke 1:
This guy is at a garage sale and he sees an old dog sitting there.
Above the dog, a sign reads, "Talking dog - five dollars."
So, the guy says to the dog; "Can you really talk?"
"Yes," answers the dog.
So, the man says, "That's amazing. So, what's your story, why are you being sold?"
"Well," says the dog. "I was born in the late 18th century and kind of wandered the earth by myself for awhile. It was good, I had a few puppies her and there. Then, around 1938, I met my master."
"Well, what happened from there?" Asked the man.
The dog continues, "Well, my master and I were a travelling road show until we decided to join the paratroopers to help fight the germans in the second world war."
"You actually jumped out of the planes?" Asked the man, very intrigued.
"Oh yeah, me and my master," said the dog. "Then the war ended and we started a small bakery together and both met some women and he raised his kids. Summer of love came and we traveled around a bit. He was old, but was cool with it all. In the 70s we got involved in politics and were advisers to the carter administration until my master retired. And now, he's selling me."
"Wow," said the man. "Hang on, I'll be back."
So, the man walks up to the dogs owner and says, "Man, I can't believe you have a talking dog. That's amazing."
"Yup, it's a talking dog," says the man, in a bored tone.
"Well, I'll take him," he says, handing the man five dollars. "But, I gotta ask; why are you selling him?"
The man looks at him stoically and replies, "Cause he's a fucking liar."

Talking dog joke 2:
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."
Man asks the dog, "What covers a house?" Dog says, "Roof!"
Man asks the dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" Dog says, "Rough!"
Man asks the dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" Dog says, "Ruth!"
Man says to the bartender, "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
Bartender throws both of them out the door.
Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the man and says, "Should I have said Gehrig, then?"

Talking dog joke 3:
A dog applied for a job as a secretary.
"But you need to be able to type" said the interviewer.
The dog put it's paws on the keyboard and typed perfectly competently.
"And they want someone who does shorthand."
The dog picked up a pen in it's mouth and did some shorthand.
"But you also need to be bilingual."
"Miaow."

Talking dog joke 4:
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious.
"Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"