Pennsylvania Jokes

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Pennsylvania Road System Slogans

1. If you can build a better highway, we'd like to see it!

2. Potholes....Shmotpoles!

3. Highway numbers go to the highest bidder!

4. Land of 10,000 potholes.

5. We don't repair roads, we destroy them!

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Bumpy roads, tale me home, to the place I belong,
Pennsylvania, land of potholes, take me home.

I hear the car as it rattles down the highway,
Each bump tearing at its springs and shocks.
And each thump and groan reminds me,
The garage bill is coming soon some day.

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You know you're from Pennsylvania if...

You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

You owe more money on your snowmobile or John Deere than your car.

The first day of "Buck Season" and "Doe Season" is a school holiday.

Your snowblower gets stuck on your roof.

The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1/4 page but requires six pages for sports.

School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.

When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."

You call sloppy joes "barbecue."

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

You think the start of deer hunting is a National Holiday.

You pronounce "Suite" as SUIT, not SWEET. As in Living Room Suite.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You only buy your beer and soda by the case.

You think the roads in any other state are smooth.

You find -20F "a little" chilly.

You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

There are still places you can still stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a school bus.

You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face.

You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Penna. friends......

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Dumb Pennsylvania Laws

It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.

It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.

It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.

A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

You may not sing in the bathtub.

Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.

A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.

Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.

Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.

No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official "beer distributor"

All liquor stores must be run by the state.

Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays.

You may not catch a fish with your hands.

You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.

Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.

Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.

Carlisle

In the middle of town, one must pay a fee of $50 dollars a year to park on a particular block. At night, however, the cars must be moved for street cleaning. This law is enforced even if snow or ice prevents the cars from being moved.

Connellsville

One's pants may be worn no lower than five inches below the waist.

Danville

All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.

Millville

One may not shoot any dog that is found wandering the streets.

The sale of alcohol is prohibited.

Morrisville

It is required that a woman have a permit to wear cosmetics.

Newtown

Every outlet or switch (which can be purchased for 59 cents) that is installed requires an electrical inspection fee of 1 dollar and 33 cents.

Pittsburgh

It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car.

No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator.

Ridley Park

You cannot walk backwards eating peanuts in front of the Barnstormers Auditorium during a performance.

Tarentum

Horses are not to be tied to parking meters.