West Virginia Jokes

West Virginia's Statehood

A friend from West Virginia was shopping at the Wal-Mart in Blacksburg, VA. At the cash register, my friend wrote a check. The clerk asked for her driver's license.

She presented her West Virginia driver's license and the clerk grabbed it way from her and scoffed at her, "If you're going to use a fake ID, you could at least use a real state!" A manager was required to verify West Virginia's statehood.

Exerpts from the West Virginia Vocabulary Book

Foreclose

If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money foreclose.

Rectum

I had two Lexus coups, but my old lady rectum.

Hotel

I gave my girlfriend crabs and the hotel everybody.

Disappointment

My parole officer told me that if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the big house.

Israel

Alozono tried to sell me a rolex watch. I said man this looks fake. He said what a joke that watch israel.

Catacomb

Don King was at the fight the other night, somebody should get that catacomb.

Undermine

There is a fine looking chick living in the apartment undermine.

Acoustic

When I was 11 my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall.

Iraq

When we got to the pool hall I told my uncle you break Iraq.

Stain

My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her do you plan on stain for dinner?

Seldom

Darnell gave me two tickets to the game, and I want to seldom.

Odyssey

I told my brother you odyssey the tits on that hoe.

Horde

My sister got in trouble because she horde around.

Tripoli

My ol lady wanted a bra for her birthday but I couldn't find a tripoli.

Fortify

I axed the ho how much and she said fortify. is the price honey

Income

I just got in bed with lois and income my wife.

A West Virginian walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The West Virginian is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the West Virginian says, "What's that noise?"

West Virginia State Residency Application

Name: ________________



(last)



(first) (_) Billy-Bob



(_) Billy-Joe



(_) Billy-Ray



(_) Billy-Sue



(_) Billy-Mae



(_) Billy-Jack



(Check appropriate box)



Age: ____



Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A



Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right







CB Handle: _____________________







Occupation:



(_)Farmer



(_)Mechanic



(_)Hair Dresser



(_)Un-employed



(_)Coal Miner







Spouse's Name: __________________________







Relationship with spouse:



(_) Sister



(_) Brother



(_) Aunt



(_) Uncle



(_) Cousin



(_) Mother



(_) Father



(_) Son



(_) Daughter



(_) Pet







Number of children living in household: ___







Number that are yours: ___







Mother's Name: _______________________







Father's Name: _______________________



(If not sure, leave blank)







Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)







Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?



(Check appropriate box)







___ Total number of vehicles you own



___ Number of vehicles that still crank



___ Number of vehicles in front yard



___ Number of vehicles in back yard



___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks







___ Number of refrigerators on front porch







Firearms you own and where you keep them:



____ truck



____ bedroom



____ bathroom



____ kitchen



____ shed







Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194__



Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of



pickup: _________







Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:



(_)The National Enquirer



(_)The Globe



(_)TV Guide



(_)Soap Opera Digest



(_)Gun World







___ Number of times you've seen a UFO



___ Number of times you've seen Elvis



___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO







How often do you bathe:



(_)Weekly



(_)Monthly



(_)Holidays



(_)Not Applicable







Color of teeth:



(_)Yellow



(_)Brownish-Yellow



(_)Brown



(_)Black



(_)No teeth



(_)N/A







Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:



(_)Red-Man







How far is your home from a paved road?



(_)1 mile



(_)2 miles



(_)don't know



(_)can't get there from here







BUMPER STICKERS:



___ Eat more Possum



___ My other car is a piece of junk too



___ Honk if you love Jesus



___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'



___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco







Favorite Recreation: Check all that apply:



___ Square Dancin' 



___ Possum Huntin'



___ Skinny Dippin'



___ Craw Daddin'



___ Gospel Singin' 



___ 4-Wheelin'



___ Drankin' 



___ Spittin' Backy ___ Bill Chip Trowin' 



___ Honky Tonkin'



___ Noodlin' 







# of Dogs: ___ Type: ___ Blue Tick ___ Beagle



___ Black & Tan ___ Bird Dawg







Cap Emblem: ___ John Deere ___ McCulloch Chain Saws



___ Budweiser ___ Vo-Tech



___ Skoal ___ Coors



___ NAPA ___ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch."

Q. What is the West Virginia state flower?

A. The satallite dish!

Q. Why do birds fly upside down through West Virginia?

A. There's nothing worth pooping on!

You know a computer is owned by a West Virginian if...

The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

The keyboard is camouflaged.

There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

There is a gunrack mounted on the CPU.

The password is, "bubba."

The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

Outgoing faxes have beer stains on them.

The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.

The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.

Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.

The monitor is up on blocks.

Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.

Deer jerky is in the desk drawer.

The screen saver consists of pictures of Ned Beatty with dueling banjos playing in the background.

The six front keys have rotted out.

John Deer Pocket Protectors.

Dumb West Virginia Laws