I get no respect 06

"My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."

"My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD."

"I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once... Doctor...every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me? He said..I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"

"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie."

"My dentist has bad breath......Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings."

"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...he said... Alright...you're ugly too!"

"I was so ugly...my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!"